Dad's Quilt

Every year for Christmas since I was child my siblings and me havedrawn names to exchange gifts.  As we have moved around, gotten older, and all married we've added spouses and my parents into the exchange. 
This year I got my dad.
I knew exactly what I wanted to do. 
I wasn't sure that I could pull it off but I was going to attempt regardless.  How hard could it be?
Quilting, math, measuring. . .they all work together.
There is a reason why people take quilting classes.  I understand this now.

I had my brother Doug's t-shirts. It wasn't tons but the one's that my sister-in-law wanted and needed to clear out.  Somehow, they all ended up at my house.

The original plan was to make her a throw blanket of his old shirts.  We decided this may not be the best idea. 

So they sat at my house.

Once I found out I had Dad's name for a gift this year.  I immediately thought this is something he would love more than anyone else.

I wish I could have been there to give it to him personally.  I knew he would love it no matter how bad it might turn out.

He did call and thank me.  I knew he would love it.  I could tell that it really touched him and he was really surprised to have such a gift.  It made me feel so good.  It was probably my favorite gift I've been able to give in a long time.

I'm so glad I had Dad's name this year.

Need. Want. Gotta Have.

PINTEREST

Life right now seems to be all about Pinterest.  I don't know how many people have told me to check it out, I would love it. 
I'm sure that I would.
I've gotten virtual invites to join pinterest.
I'd have to keep turning it down.

I had set goal in 2011 to lessen my desires of things.  I had to give up HGTV to cut back on my project inspirations.  I didn't even renew my subscription to Southern Living magazine.  That about broke me.  I tried to shop less and browse less. 

This was not easy.  I didn't do really any projects this entire passed year. 

The nice thing was that I think it helped and even almost worked.  Sure I still like to have things but I can control it.  I don't have to HAVE it anymore.  And I'm not constantly thinking of how I can make some money to get those things.  I HAVE much.  Anything I add to my plate at this point is all dessert.  I learned to be satisfied with what I HAVE.  I don't NEED it.

I missed the projects in the sense that I love to do something with my hands and see the ended result.  I love the adventure of trying a new recipe or changing something in my house.  But so much of it was just unneccessary.  I don't think I was even try keep up with the Jones' persay but trying to out do them all together.

I feels good to say that I have accomplished my goal.  I've changed the way I look at things.  Allowing more time to focus on other things.

For 2012 I can now join Pinterest.  I can join it with confidence.  Hopefully I can pass my personal test and keep my focus in place.

Wish me luck.

Pinterest, here I come!

Pure Nothingness

I'm sitting here home alone.  Lonely.  OK, well not totally alone but my hubby is out of town so it's just me and the kids.  I dont' sleep when Jarom is gone.  I watch an amazing amount of TV (chick flicks), eat junk, and try to chat with whoever is desperate enough to chat with me on Facebook so I don't get freaked out.  I can't handle it.  I seem to hear every noise.  It's like I'm a little girl.  I feel like a little girl.  I do not get random things done that I wouldn't normally do because Jarom is home but even then it doesn't make too much of a difference.  I hate when he's gone.
In the meantime, while I try to type myself to sleep.  Can you do that?  I was reading this book that one of the teachers at the boys school recommended.  Sarah's Key.  I love a good historical fiction book.  This one had my emotions pulled in so many directions I wasn't sure how to feel.  It was during the Holocaust and one of the roundups in Paris, France.  I followed a child's story.  It wasn't the most uplifting book.  Kind of depressing no matter how much you wished and hoped. . . I didn't finish it.  Yes, it was depressing but somehow still captivating that I wanted to read it but I couldn't.
 It dropped the "F" word. 
Yep, I couldn't believe it. 
Not once. 
Twice. 
Now some have this ability to read right over it.  Not me.  The first time I read it I just has to stop all together.  That word was like stamped in my head.  But the next morning I wanted to find out what was going to happen.  I was half way thru!!!  So I pulled it out while eating breakfast.  I opened it up on top of my scriptures.  It wasn't long that the word popped up again.  Honestly, my conscience just couldn't bare looking at my scriptures I just read earlier that morning and proceed with this book. 
I finally stopped. 
That took a lot of effort . 
More than it should. 
I returned the book to the teacher today and told her how I felt.  We laughed and still discussed the story (she filled me in).  I'm glad I didn't read it.   There are so many great books out there that I shouldn't have to accept the language.  It doesn't make that book any better than a movie with bad language.  However, I will go rent the movie (since I have an editor).
You know it really bothered me how many people recommended "The Help" to me.  I heard how it was filled with "GD" throughout the whole book but yet tons of members of my faith read and recommended it still.  I'm glad I didn't read it.  I know how my mind works.  I'm sure I wouldn't start blurting out swear words but they would be in my mind.  I don't want that.  I already have enough weakness and do enough editing in my mind, so why add to it?

Visting Teaching

I have a strong testimony of visiting teaching.  I've been a not- so- hot one at times, but feel that I've come a long way and can say that "I get it" and know the importance of this calling.  I get frustrated when sisters don't do their visiting or make it complicated to be visited.  I've tried my best to take all challenges whether it was drive to a sister's house 40 minutes away to be there at 8:30 in the morning and only allowed 30 minutes to share a message.  OR sometime I will just show up to at least meet the person.  Anyway, I really want to be a great visiting teacher.  I want the sisters that I visit know that I believe they are a daughter of God and I will treat them as such.  That no one is too good or too bad to receive a spiritual message.  We all need God in our lives.  I want them to know that I truly visit them because I want to know them, help them, be there for them when they need me and because nothing is so important that I can't spare a few moments of my month to spend with them.  I don't see them as just a number or me trying to have a perfect record.  I really love them.  And I'm amazed at how the Lord blesses us with the ability to love those we don't even know when we truly try to serve others.
NOW WITH THAT SAID. . . this past month I didn't do my visiting teaching.  I had one sister.  ONE SISTER!!!  I didn't even have a companion to have to worry about coordinating schedules.  Just me and that sister.  The last day of the month while I was preparing for YW in Excellence it was all I thought about in my mind.  I had only texted her and just waited for her response about a week or so before.  Now here it was the last day I didn't send a letter or even call.  The disappointment I feel within myself, embarrassment, and lack of discipline.  I had a BIZARRE, crazy month but if I had just visited her I feel that somehow my month would have gone better.  Smoother.  I fight tears while I type because I literally have no excuse.  I cannot think of one good reason that I could not have done something.  Her birthday was even in November.  I have never had to report that I did NOTHING in I don't know how long, if ever.  I feel like I have truly disappointed the Lord.  I sincerely say that I feel shame.  It hurts.  And to that sister I don't know how I can say I'm sorry and know that it really is important to me to visit you.  I do care.
I do care.
http://lds.org/pa/display/0,17884,8776-1,00.html

The Scriptures Are True

Recently I had another light come on for me.  An "ahah" moment.  It was kind of amazing for me.  I have always believed the scriptures and often seen the truth in them.  They have helped me understand things or simply help keep my life out of utter chaos.  But this time, two Sundays ago, in Sunday School class it was just what I needed.
To back things up almost 3 years ago I had this dream.  I had this dream THREE times.  Each time it was the same but with a little more.  When that happens I figure it is something I should take a little more seriously.  It constantly weighed on my mind and I had my feelings of what I thought it probably meant.  Actually, I think I new exactly what it meant but I just didn't want to admit it.  However, there were some things that I didn't fully understand in the dream.  I'm not always great with symbolism.  But it was enough for me to get the hint and take care of the issue.
Then in this Sunday School class (that I almost missed because I was trying to get Marshall to sleep) about the last 15 minutes they were discussing Acts 20 in the New Testament.  A key word the teacher was discussing triggered my dream back into my mind.  It answered what I didn't understand about my dream.  It was like. . ."OMGoodness, I had no idea. I know what this means."  Sure I had taken care of the problem but now I know what the Lord was really trying to tell me.  I felt kind of foolish not knowing the New Testament as I should.  I guess if I would read and study it more often the Lord could have helped me better understand.
I am so grateful for this experience.  It strengthened me in knowing that there is a God and He does know me.  He doesn't want me to go astray and will warn me at all opportunity.  The scriptures really are here to help me and everyone.  They aren't just something to read.  Over and over in my mind I have thought that if I had known the Bible better I might have understood the warning and acted faster.  I might not have even had to have the dream but once.  Just a "tender mercy" as my mother-in-law would say.  No doubt.  I'm so glad I didn't miss all of that class.  Just think what I would have really missed. 

Write It Down

I look back and think of all the crazy stuff I would write in my journal.  I don't know that half even really counts.  My journal was great for venting.  Writing all the things that I was angry about or some type of drama.  There were very few things that were happy moments that I seemed to record.  Like my 16th birthday.  It was one of the best birthdays I had ever had and didn't document a single thing about it.  It was a brilliant scavenger hunt downtown Chattanooga, put together by my mom and Aunt Hilda.  I even think about the first years of marriage.  I wrote in my journal so little but what I did document was about Jarom and how he made mad or something of the sort.  Sheesh, if I died today and people used my journal just to learn about who I was, what kind of story would it tell?  Definitely not who I am....or should I say who I wanted to be.  Because most of the time I sounded like a whiny, ungrateful, little brat that no one would want to be around.  Maybe that's what I really am?  Let's hope not!  And according to all personality test I take I'm nothing like that.  Thank goodness I saved all those test to redeem my past because they MUST be true!
Today I turn 30.  Early in the morning I had a crazy, scary dream.  Rarely do I have one so terrifying that I wake up feeling completely freaked out.  But I woke up feeling so secure knowing that Jarom was there to take me in his arms.  On my way to church I thought about how I would love to just quickly go up on the stand and whisper in his ear that I love him.  It made me warm and fuzzy inside.  Then I came back to reality. 
It amazes me to think that I have almost been married for 13 years.  Thirteen years!  What makes that so amazing is that I didn't think that I could really love him more than I did those first years.  It's sooo much better than those years.  This love is deep and not just "cute" love, batting eyes, hot bodies.  It's love in all it's glory and truth. . . okay, and the hot bodies are still there, somewhere, deep within.  Like I said, "in truth."  But I believe now that I made the best decision EVER.  Jarom is an incredible man and is so good to me.
For my 30th he planned this getaway and just followed whatever I wanted to do.  It was awesome.  But it was the little things that made it so special.   Like listening to me ramble on about tree species and different plants/flowers as he patiently walked thru gardens with me.  Maybe he knew how much I would love the walk around the flowers but what I loved more that he just let me talk.  His kindness it just letting me browse the stores and gift shops with all theirs different items and my great indecisiveness to pick something. . . anything.  He took me out to some ridiculously, expensive fancy restaurant because he knows my "love languages" after all.  He helped me collect more Christmas ornaments and care for our little munchkin (whose nursing and had to tag along).  Caring for Marshall in itself was one of the best gifts he could have given me. 

To some this might sound pitiful or not so special or extraordinary.  But I know Jarom and I know the things that are easy for him and hard for him.  Just as he knows mine.  Like spending lots of money for random things, being bored to death while I shop, and listening to a baby scream for hours without end.  But he did it for me. 
It's funny.  I was kind of disappointed at first because I REALLY wanted some big party.  I wanted to be surrounded by all my friends and fam as I journeyed into another decade of life.  I was hesitant about going on the getaway not sure of how the baby would do.  But I went.  And it was the BEST trip I have ever been on.  Maybe turning 30 helped me mature a little and see all the little things that went into making this big idea of a trip.  Had I not gone on the trip, well, I'd be that whiny, bratty girl that didn't get her party.  I would have missed out on the things that could have only been exposed during that trip.  I'm so glad Jarom took me.  I saw him in another light, once again.  I fell in love all over again.

Mama Chilhowee

I've recently become the "mother" of my ward.  It's a lot to take in considering I can hardly mother my own four children how could I possible manage a full congregation!? 
When the Stake President asked me what I thought the roles of the mother of the ward were I pretty much rambled nothingness and stuttered throughout the process.  Why I actually had never even thought about the role I would play.  No pressure!
It's been a month now since Jarom was called as the Bishop and I've already seen the change in our lives.  Our minds and hearts have been opened to a new light.  I have been seriously humbled.  I have been greatly blessed.
Some say, "congratulations" others say, "good riddance" I just say, "it's another calling."  One that I pray can be a good and faithful servant in and support my husband where he needs it most.