So Much To Say. . .

I have so much weighing on my mind from ideas running thru my head as soon as I hit the pillow to ways to be better in my life and just flat out random gibberish that constantly crosses my mind for one reason or another.

First, I am so grateful to be able to serve in Young Women's.  I probably shouldn't have a favorite but it's the one area that I just FEEL it.  I constantly think about the girls and it really makes me aware of my faults and weaknesses.  It keeps me on my toes and when I feel like I am challenged the most to be my best.  I love the relationships I build with the girls and working to help them have confidence in doing right each day.  It's a blessing.  As I have enjoyed all my callings, this is where my heart beats.

With that, it leads me to my little "soapbox."  OK, huge soapbox 'cause I've got an opinion towards just about everything.  And one of my biggest has to do with this billboard we pass every time we come home from traveling to Chattanooga (which is a few good times a year).  And for the past few years I see the billboard, get frustrated, forget about it eventually, then see it again and the cycle just continues. 

This is what it says:

"I can wait because my dreams won't."

Sounds harmless, yes?  Maybe "it's all in how you interpret it," as my husband would say.  Maybe my interpretation is wrong.  But the fact that there is room for interpretation is enough to irritate me!

So what is my interpretation exactly?. . .This is an add for abstinence.  I support that matter 100%.  But every time I read that ad the first thing that came and comes to my mind is that, "I can wait because if I get pregnant it will ruin everything."  It irritates me to my core.  Children are not a dream killer.  Some women actually dream of being mothers.  So what do you say to them?  I feel like even in accidental ways we portray kids as a nuisance and problem in our lives.  I wish people would be real about sex and the other consequences.  A child might actually be the only decent consequence out of it all.  But to say the children prevent dreams from happening breaks my heart.  I realize that it might make graduating from high school difficult and going to college seem near impossible.  But when you have children life is still very possible and sometimes other dreams come to light. Its the diseases and other lifestyles that follow casual sex that can kill dreams. 

I recently read an article by Elder Bruce D. Porter and he said this, "Many young people across our nation, who in the natural course of life should grow up, marry, and rear children, are instead trapped in a world where sexual intimacy is casual, responsibility and long-term commitments are denigrated, and children are viewed as a burden, a distraction from the pursuit of happiness and personal fulfillment."  When I read this it just hit me that this was exactly how I was feeling.

I know I had all kinds of dreams. . .being President of the United States possibly or at least a top person in some major company.  Be fluent in a foreign language and live in a different country for a while.  Go to New York and dance, dance, dance in hopes to make it to Broadway.  Seriously.  I knew at some point in time I wanted to be a mom and get married but I also knew my standards and just figured I would postpone both until I did what I wanted to do.

Long story short.  I got married at 18 had my first child when I was 21 and now I have four sons and been married for 12 years.  How's that for a plan!?  Maybe MY dreams weren't necessarily aimed at the right target.  And maybe I didn't even finish college.  But I LOVE my life and where it's taken me.  The Lord asked that I have faith in Him and I did.  He has now opened more doors for me than I could have imagined.  I've learned about things that really make me happy. 

My children have no doubt changed my life.  I drive a minivan and I'm not even 30, sheesh!  The roads they have taken me down I've never once considered them a distraction or burden.  I truly believe because I have accepted this path (even when it was hard for me) the Lord has helped and blessed me tenfold.  I hope I never make me kids think they were a mistake or burden to me.  I pray that I help the young women that I work with have the desire to be mothers and accept that calling. . .lawfully wedded. . . to brilliant young men.  It is better than a dream.  It's real.  It's a gift.