Special People

I love serving in Young Women.  It holds such a special place in my heart.  I think sometimes because it is where I developed my own personal testimony of the Gospel.  It was a time and program that provided me with confidence.  It was where I felt great love and a place where I had sisters.  I just have so many great memories I associate with my years as a young woman that I've never really outgrown it.

I'm admitting that I'm still immature.

Regardless, I have remembered almost every girl I have served with, and this last time was no exception.  I'll confess that they may have a bit more of a special place in my heart.  I don't know if I did mature some or just the stage I am in in my life, but there is just something special about these girls.

They gave me a going away party with two of my favorite things: cream cheese pie and Just Dance video game.  Oh yeah.

Some girls weren't as cooperative to take their picture.

I kept trying.  Look at her beautifully manicured nails.

Sweet Amy.  This is a treasured picture because she never lets me take pictures of her.

Another party!  I swear we partied all week that last week before we left Knoxville.   I truly gained almost 8 pounds.  I'm not lying.  I'm still trying to get it off.
We had a night just us ladies.  Some of my closest friends.  These women are priceless to me.  These pictures don't do justice.  It just shows how well we are with electronics.  We couldn't figure out how to work the timer on the camera.
We thought we would be so cool hanging out late at night with ice cream and Litton's Red Velvet cake.  It was quite humorous.  I love to make myself the center of attention but having others do it for me seemed awkward.  That made things even funnier.  We mainly talked about our kids. . .surprise.  I look back and think of Cally had how she probably knew her husband was going to be the next bishop and couldn't say anything.  I know how that feels.  I think of how we would all laugh and then close our eyes because most of us were too tired and normally never stayed up this late anymore.  We are such moms.  That's what I love.  These are good moms.  Good women.  I love them so much.  I will miss them greatly.

Pure Nothingness

I'm sitting here home alone.  Lonely.  OK, well not totally alone but my hubby is out of town so it's just me and the kids.  I dont' sleep when Jarom is gone.  I watch an amazing amount of TV (chick flicks), eat junk, and try to chat with whoever is desperate enough to chat with me on Facebook so I don't get freaked out.  I can't handle it.  I seem to hear every noise.  It's like I'm a little girl.  I feel like a little girl.  I do not get random things done that I wouldn't normally do because Jarom is home but even then it doesn't make too much of a difference.  I hate when he's gone.
In the meantime, while I try to type myself to sleep.  Can you do that?  I was reading this book that one of the teachers at the boys school recommended.  Sarah's Key.  I love a good historical fiction book.  This one had my emotions pulled in so many directions I wasn't sure how to feel.  It was during the Holocaust and one of the roundups in Paris, France.  I followed a child's story.  It wasn't the most uplifting book.  Kind of depressing no matter how much you wished and hoped. . . I didn't finish it.  Yes, it was depressing but somehow still captivating that I wanted to read it but I couldn't.
 It dropped the "F" word. 
Yep, I couldn't believe it. 
Not once. 
Twice. 
Now some have this ability to read right over it.  Not me.  The first time I read it I just has to stop all together.  That word was like stamped in my head.  But the next morning I wanted to find out what was going to happen.  I was half way thru!!!  So I pulled it out while eating breakfast.  I opened it up on top of my scriptures.  It wasn't long that the word popped up again.  Honestly, my conscience just couldn't bare looking at my scriptures I just read earlier that morning and proceed with this book. 
I finally stopped. 
That took a lot of effort . 
More than it should. 
I returned the book to the teacher today and told her how I felt.  We laughed and still discussed the story (she filled me in).  I'm glad I didn't read it.   There are so many great books out there that I shouldn't have to accept the language.  It doesn't make that book any better than a movie with bad language.  However, I will go rent the movie (since I have an editor).
You know it really bothered me how many people recommended "The Help" to me.  I heard how it was filled with "GD" throughout the whole book but yet tons of members of my faith read and recommended it still.  I'm glad I didn't read it.  I know how my mind works.  I'm sure I wouldn't start blurting out swear words but they would be in my mind.  I don't want that.  I already have enough weakness and do enough editing in my mind, so why add to it?

Visting Teaching

I have a strong testimony of visiting teaching.  I've been a not- so- hot one at times, but feel that I've come a long way and can say that "I get it" and know the importance of this calling.  I get frustrated when sisters don't do their visiting or make it complicated to be visited.  I've tried my best to take all challenges whether it was drive to a sister's house 40 minutes away to be there at 8:30 in the morning and only allowed 30 minutes to share a message.  OR sometime I will just show up to at least meet the person.  Anyway, I really want to be a great visiting teacher.  I want the sisters that I visit know that I believe they are a daughter of God and I will treat them as such.  That no one is too good or too bad to receive a spiritual message.  We all need God in our lives.  I want them to know that I truly visit them because I want to know them, help them, be there for them when they need me and because nothing is so important that I can't spare a few moments of my month to spend with them.  I don't see them as just a number or me trying to have a perfect record.  I really love them.  And I'm amazed at how the Lord blesses us with the ability to love those we don't even know when we truly try to serve others.
NOW WITH THAT SAID. . . this past month I didn't do my visiting teaching.  I had one sister.  ONE SISTER!!!  I didn't even have a companion to have to worry about coordinating schedules.  Just me and that sister.  The last day of the month while I was preparing for YW in Excellence it was all I thought about in my mind.  I had only texted her and just waited for her response about a week or so before.  Now here it was the last day I didn't send a letter or even call.  The disappointment I feel within myself, embarrassment, and lack of discipline.  I had a BIZARRE, crazy month but if I had just visited her I feel that somehow my month would have gone better.  Smoother.  I fight tears while I type because I literally have no excuse.  I cannot think of one good reason that I could not have done something.  Her birthday was even in November.  I have never had to report that I did NOTHING in I don't know how long, if ever.  I feel like I have truly disappointed the Lord.  I sincerely say that I feel shame.  It hurts.  And to that sister I don't know how I can say I'm sorry and know that it really is important to me to visit you.  I do care.
I do care.
http://lds.org/pa/display/0,17884,8776-1,00.html

The Scriptures Are True

Recently I had another light come on for me.  An "ahah" moment.  It was kind of amazing for me.  I have always believed the scriptures and often seen the truth in them.  They have helped me understand things or simply help keep my life out of utter chaos.  But this time, two Sundays ago, in Sunday School class it was just what I needed.
To back things up almost 3 years ago I had this dream.  I had this dream THREE times.  Each time it was the same but with a little more.  When that happens I figure it is something I should take a little more seriously.  It constantly weighed on my mind and I had my feelings of what I thought it probably meant.  Actually, I think I new exactly what it meant but I just didn't want to admit it.  However, there were some things that I didn't fully understand in the dream.  I'm not always great with symbolism.  But it was enough for me to get the hint and take care of the issue.
Then in this Sunday School class (that I almost missed because I was trying to get Marshall to sleep) about the last 15 minutes they were discussing Acts 20 in the New Testament.  A key word the teacher was discussing triggered my dream back into my mind.  It answered what I didn't understand about my dream.  It was like. . ."OMGoodness, I had no idea. I know what this means."  Sure I had taken care of the problem but now I know what the Lord was really trying to tell me.  I felt kind of foolish not knowing the New Testament as I should.  I guess if I would read and study it more often the Lord could have helped me better understand.
I am so grateful for this experience.  It strengthened me in knowing that there is a God and He does know me.  He doesn't want me to go astray and will warn me at all opportunity.  The scriptures really are here to help me and everyone.  They aren't just something to read.  Over and over in my mind I have thought that if I had known the Bible better I might have understood the warning and acted faster.  I might not have even had to have the dream but once.  Just a "tender mercy" as my mother-in-law would say.  No doubt.  I'm so glad I didn't miss all of that class.  Just think what I would have really missed. 

Mama Chilhowee

I've recently become the "mother" of my ward.  It's a lot to take in considering I can hardly mother my own four children how could I possible manage a full congregation!? 
When the Stake President asked me what I thought the roles of the mother of the ward were I pretty much rambled nothingness and stuttered throughout the process.  Why I actually had never even thought about the role I would play.  No pressure!
It's been a month now since Jarom was called as the Bishop and I've already seen the change in our lives.  Our minds and hearts have been opened to a new light.  I have been seriously humbled.  I have been greatly blessed.
Some say, "congratulations" others say, "good riddance" I just say, "it's another calling."  One that I pray can be a good and faithful servant in and support my husband where he needs it most.

So You Think You Can Dance?

Well, honestly. . .I do.  Maybe not the quality the show is looking for but I think I got something.  I actually wanted to audition last year when they came to Atlanta.  I cried when I couldn't go.  Then I saw on the show the people that auditioned and made it. . .glad I didn't show up!  It would have been possibly more humiliating than I had prepared.
The other night I went to a ballet class.  I haven't been in a ballet class in ten years.  I was pretty nervous and sure I would make a fool of myself.  Thank goodness for some competitive drive.  Sometimes it makes you push yourself to do things. 
My posture was bad and my gut was larger than 10 years before.  I could see my age wearing those tights and leotard.  I managed through the first bar exercises and gradually got better by the end.  The floor exercises were fun and not so bad except for the chennes. . .spotting is important.  I was definitely off.  I only walked around like a drunk for a little bit.  By the end I was just getting relaxed and comfortable.  I could have gone for another hour.  Class was over.

It was nice to be in a dance class.  You know everyone has that place or thing that makes all their cares go away.  This is one of those places for me.  Those mirrors hold me accountable for my outward appearance.  The other dancers and teachers push me to be better.  The music puts me in another world.  I love it!

When the class ended the teacher didn't believe that it had been ten years.  It really has.  But boy did that make me feel good.  Technically I have only a year total of ballet studio experience.  To hear those words makes me remember that this is something I'm good at.  Not to brag but we have to believe in ourselves.

So Much To Say. . .

I have so much weighing on my mind from ideas running thru my head as soon as I hit the pillow to ways to be better in my life and just flat out random gibberish that constantly crosses my mind for one reason or another.

First, I am so grateful to be able to serve in Young Women's.  I probably shouldn't have a favorite but it's the one area that I just FEEL it.  I constantly think about the girls and it really makes me aware of my faults and weaknesses.  It keeps me on my toes and when I feel like I am challenged the most to be my best.  I love the relationships I build with the girls and working to help them have confidence in doing right each day.  It's a blessing.  As I have enjoyed all my callings, this is where my heart beats.

With that, it leads me to my little "soapbox."  OK, huge soapbox 'cause I've got an opinion towards just about everything.  And one of my biggest has to do with this billboard we pass every time we come home from traveling to Chattanooga (which is a few good times a year).  And for the past few years I see the billboard, get frustrated, forget about it eventually, then see it again and the cycle just continues. 

This is what it says:

"I can wait because my dreams won't."

Sounds harmless, yes?  Maybe "it's all in how you interpret it," as my husband would say.  Maybe my interpretation is wrong.  But the fact that there is room for interpretation is enough to irritate me!

So what is my interpretation exactly?. . .This is an add for abstinence.  I support that matter 100%.  But every time I read that ad the first thing that came and comes to my mind is that, "I can wait because if I get pregnant it will ruin everything."  It irritates me to my core.  Children are not a dream killer.  Some women actually dream of being mothers.  So what do you say to them?  I feel like even in accidental ways we portray kids as a nuisance and problem in our lives.  I wish people would be real about sex and the other consequences.  A child might actually be the only decent consequence out of it all.  But to say the children prevent dreams from happening breaks my heart.  I realize that it might make graduating from high school difficult and going to college seem near impossible.  But when you have children life is still very possible and sometimes other dreams come to light. Its the diseases and other lifestyles that follow casual sex that can kill dreams. 

I recently read an article by Elder Bruce D. Porter and he said this, "Many young people across our nation, who in the natural course of life should grow up, marry, and rear children, are instead trapped in a world where sexual intimacy is casual, responsibility and long-term commitments are denigrated, and children are viewed as a burden, a distraction from the pursuit of happiness and personal fulfillment."  When I read this it just hit me that this was exactly how I was feeling.

I know I had all kinds of dreams. . .being President of the United States possibly or at least a top person in some major company.  Be fluent in a foreign language and live in a different country for a while.  Go to New York and dance, dance, dance in hopes to make it to Broadway.  Seriously.  I knew at some point in time I wanted to be a mom and get married but I also knew my standards and just figured I would postpone both until I did what I wanted to do.

Long story short.  I got married at 18 had my first child when I was 21 and now I have four sons and been married for 12 years.  How's that for a plan!?  Maybe MY dreams weren't necessarily aimed at the right target.  And maybe I didn't even finish college.  But I LOVE my life and where it's taken me.  The Lord asked that I have faith in Him and I did.  He has now opened more doors for me than I could have imagined.  I've learned about things that really make me happy. 

My children have no doubt changed my life.  I drive a minivan and I'm not even 30, sheesh!  The roads they have taken me down I've never once considered them a distraction or burden.  I truly believe because I have accepted this path (even when it was hard for me) the Lord has helped and blessed me tenfold.  I hope I never make me kids think they were a mistake or burden to me.  I pray that I help the young women that I work with have the desire to be mothers and accept that calling. . .lawfully wedded. . . to brilliant young men.  It is better than a dream.  It's real.  It's a gift.

My Tree and Me Remakes

{It's way past my bedtime. I should be getting all the rest I can, but I can't. I don't sleep well when my hubby's out of town. I seem to lose all security. I don't eat as well, I don't get much done, and I don't sleep. The only advantage is I get to update my blog. It's crazy how much I need him. How I can hardly function in some areas without him. He really does keep me going. When I think about it he gives me a reason to do certain things. Even though I have kids, it's him that's my main source of energy. How do people do it alone?}

BUT that's not what I'm blogging about. I've recently been called to serve in the Young Women's presidency and loving it. Tonight was a personal progress night. We had been talking about genealogy and our heritage and such for a couple of Sundays now. I thought it would be nice to do something genealogy related and make a family tree. Sounds boring until you check this site out. I have several of these "trees" on my wish list.

I decided that three of these family trees were do-able. I thought they turned out pretty well.

Time flies. . .

. . . when you are staying busy. That's exactly how it has felt around my house. I haven't necessarily been physically busy but my mind has been racing with a thousands things I need to do and want to do. Overtime, I'm starting to think that they become one in the same.

I tortured myself and made goals once again but it actually seems to be going well for me. SHOCKER! I've got a new theory for making and keeping goals every year. Someday I can write a book on how unsuccessful I've been thus far. Until then I'll continue to try, at least. This last time though I just wrote down everything I was thinking about as quickly as possible. The list got really long. Here are a few:
1) Sewing. I haven't finished everything I've been wanting to do but I've got a few things done and in progress of finishing. It's fulfilling to finish something I came up with. I really do enjoy it but once I finish then I just come up with a new one. It appears to be never ending.

2)Primary. This year I really wanted to do better as a Primary Chorister. It's by far one of my favorite callings. It can be intimidating. I don't sing beautifully and I can never remember the words when I'm trying to teach them to the children even though I've sung the song a hundred times. It's easy to come up with something at the last minute and not really prepare. This year I wanted to be fully prepared.

To start I DON'T do poster boards. I have a weird hate towards them. Then there are all the billion website ideas. Sure, I could use them but I can't bring myself to do it. They are great ideas but not my own. Could we say stubborn? If I use any of the ideas, I tweak it so much that I've justified it being my own.

I'm into month 4. Three songs down and I think it has gone well. I've tried to come up with ways to present the music without distracting from the doctrine being taught. It's very important that the children understand what they are singing about. I think when they can visualize the actual words or actions they will remember better.

January was tricky. It was a new and long song. Then a movie theme came to my mind. I made one of those movie slappers to tell them to stop and start all over. Then every time we practiced I welcomed them to rehearsals or auditions. Our "movie" was about sharing our testimony and convincing others that we knew "He lives and that He loves me." Sometimes we would sing with opera voices (big hit) and other times I would have the kids come up and "perform." Just like in a musical. Most girls imagined they were in the movie "Enchanted." It was fun. They learned the words and understood what it was talking about. When they were distracted (junior) we would have a commercial break. The triangles remove and have different songs on the back. I did this so that I can make the wheel whatever I want it to be.

At the end of the month I rewarded them with little bags of popcorn. I believe in rewarding the kids for their hard work.

February, was another long song and kind of difficult to teach. I did as the book suggested and presented the song as a series of questions and answers. But this became boring pretty quickly. For junior primary I whipped out some pictures and let the kids take turns holding them. Repeat the words over and over. The senior primary is a challenge. They bore so quickly because they are sooo cool. Wink. Wink. So we would rotate, half the group would ask the question of the song and then the other half would answer. Vice versa. We made it through.

March. Well, it's March Madness so what's more appropriate than a basketball theme? I didn't have much time to present this song because sharing time went over TWICE and we had stake conference. Luckily it was "Follow the Prophet" with 10 versus and I assigned solos for the most part. We only had to learn the first (which they already knew) and the last. Perfect. Being the third month I always do a review. . .for the older kids. So we played 21 against the teachers. They get points for answering a question correctly and earn a shot. Then they can shoot for another point. First to 21 wins. The kids loved it. A little rowdy but it lets me know if they know their songs or not.

The little kids still needed help on the last verse so I made a train. The better they sang the more cars got added to the train. Once the cars were all added then they had to fill it up. I used pictures related to the song. They really like singing measures.

Now it's time for April and we are learning "The Church of Jesus Christ." I will do a missionary theme for this one. I have little tags for them and I'm working on a few things. It's been great having a good plan and stuff already prepared. I can definitely tell a difference in my abilities to teach and helping them learn.

Of course, I can't forget nursery! Teaching them has been fun. My necessities, carpet squares (they each have their own and it keeps them focused), treasure box (made by the previous leader, filled with genius items to go along with the songs), and stickers. They earn a sticker after singing time. They will do ANYTHING for a sticker. Recently though my new presentation has been introducing the songs incorporated with a story. Last week we went on a walk. We got out of bed and stretched (sing Hinges or HSKandT), then we went walking (slap our hand on our laps) and saw some white trees (sing Popcorn), walked some more and found a stream (Give Said the Little Stream), walked some more and saw a farm (Old McDonald), getting late need to head home to see Daddy (Daddy's homecoming), and get ready for bed (I'm Like a Star) then say goodnight (I am a Child of God). There are a million options for stories and it seems to keep their attention so far.

So there you have it. Laura's singing time. I have a few more ideas and I'll share as I go along. It is a lot of fun. Teaching children through music is very satisfying and really allows me to feel the Spirit in a different way then I would ever experience in any other auxiliary.

Now Summer is around the corner and I've got lots of outdoor projects. I can't wait.