Pure Nothingness

I'm sitting here home alone.  Lonely.  OK, well not totally alone but my hubby is out of town so it's just me and the kids.  I dont' sleep when Jarom is gone.  I watch an amazing amount of TV (chick flicks), eat junk, and try to chat with whoever is desperate enough to chat with me on Facebook so I don't get freaked out.  I can't handle it.  I seem to hear every noise.  It's like I'm a little girl.  I feel like a little girl.  I do not get random things done that I wouldn't normally do because Jarom is home but even then it doesn't make too much of a difference.  I hate when he's gone.
In the meantime, while I try to type myself to sleep.  Can you do that?  I was reading this book that one of the teachers at the boys school recommended.  Sarah's Key.  I love a good historical fiction book.  This one had my emotions pulled in so many directions I wasn't sure how to feel.  It was during the Holocaust and one of the roundups in Paris, France.  I followed a child's story.  It wasn't the most uplifting book.  Kind of depressing no matter how much you wished and hoped. . . I didn't finish it.  Yes, it was depressing but somehow still captivating that I wanted to read it but I couldn't.
 It dropped the "F" word. 
Yep, I couldn't believe it. 
Not once. 
Twice. 
Now some have this ability to read right over it.  Not me.  The first time I read it I just has to stop all together.  That word was like stamped in my head.  But the next morning I wanted to find out what was going to happen.  I was half way thru!!!  So I pulled it out while eating breakfast.  I opened it up on top of my scriptures.  It wasn't long that the word popped up again.  Honestly, my conscience just couldn't bare looking at my scriptures I just read earlier that morning and proceed with this book. 
I finally stopped. 
That took a lot of effort . 
More than it should. 
I returned the book to the teacher today and told her how I felt.  We laughed and still discussed the story (she filled me in).  I'm glad I didn't read it.   There are so many great books out there that I shouldn't have to accept the language.  It doesn't make that book any better than a movie with bad language.  However, I will go rent the movie (since I have an editor).
You know it really bothered me how many people recommended "The Help" to me.  I heard how it was filled with "GD" throughout the whole book but yet tons of members of my faith read and recommended it still.  I'm glad I didn't read it.  I know how my mind works.  I'm sure I wouldn't start blurting out swear words but they would be in my mind.  I don't want that.  I already have enough weakness and do enough editing in my mind, so why add to it?

Service

For the past few weeks the message of service seems to be all around me. I feel like I'm starting to get it but I still stink at it. It's never been my strong point. A-matter-of-fact, I'm not a very compassionate person, period.
I try to give compliments regularly to people. I think about all kinds of things to do for others. But little ever comes of it. I keep telling myself, "It's the thought that counts, right?" Maybe that's the devil on my shoulder, because the very next thought that comes to me is, "Actions speak louder than words."
Sheesh, life can be tough on a person.
This past Sunday, Brother Cruze gave a talk based on Jeffrey R. Holland's talk. It guess it was based on gratitude but you find quickly service and gratitude almost go hand in hand. At least, that was what I felt. It also helped me realize that even though I'm terrible at serving others I'm not very good at accepting service either. I try to be independent and say that's not the church's responsibility or that person's job. It came to me that some people enjoy helping others, SERVING them. They get it. Sometimes saying, "no thanks" is taking away a piece of them.
The week before a sister also spoke on service. She talked how it's an addiction for her and it helps her in her everyday life. It helps fulfill her. She's also pregnant with her 7th child and due the same time as me. Well, she showed up at my house the other day to help clean when she found out I was already dilated and my cervix was softened. I'm thinking what's wrong with this picture!? I wanted to send her home. It seemed ridiculous. But I felt I shouldn't deny her the opportunity to do something that she loved, was of good, and helped her not just me. In the end it was wonderful. I didn't let her clean my whole house as she attempted but her boys played with Hyrum, who LOVED the company, and it gave me some company too. Because of her simple service I was grateful.
I also taught a lesson this past Sunday that touched base on service and how it helps us feel the Lord daily in our lives. That's what I need and probably what I've been missing. I try to do the everyday mechanical things but service is where I lack. I take my visiting teaching seriously and as a mother, in some ways, I automatically serve. I know I need to do more. Step out of my comfort zone. I'm going to try to do better this year. I don't know how to measure such a thing. Maybe it will just be something that I will feel within myself but hopefully will be felt by others around me.
I too often have been blessed by those who serve me. It's time that I do something back. Sincerely.

Ice chips

source

I can't seem to get enough ice during this pregnancy.

My dentist is going to love me.

I thought Sonic had the best ice.

Wrong.

Sam's Club beat them by a long shot.

I could use a huge mug of it right now.

Not gonna happen.

I'll have to continue with the attemped version of crushed ice my freezer.

It works.

Jarom doesn't complain.

He can be so patient with me.

My kids think it's weird.

They don't understand how some things just happen during pregnancy.

Funny thing. . .

I can't stand to hear people crunch their ice.

It's one of my hugest pep-peeves.

Along with people that smack their food or pick at their finger nails.

It's definitely in the top three.

It's almost embarrassing.

Yet, I can't live without it.

If it means I have to sit in my closet so it doesn't bother anyone.

I will do just about anything for some crushed ice.

The Joys of Pregnancy

A quick sum of things is that once again I have GD (gestational diabetes). After 5 glucose test (10 weeks-twice, 20 weeks, 28 weeks, and 30 weeks), did I mention I hate that drink, the doctor finally decided it was too close to call and start monitoring my sugar. Lovely.

To make things even better Jarom likes sweets even more than me BUT he can eat them. He ate a piece of cake tonight to finish it just to make another dessert now that it's gone. Oh and we still have cookies. Yummy cookies. Someone tell me how I'm suppose to watch my sugar with it sitting in my face. I have little self control.

Not only do I not have self control but major denial issues. I cannot praise my visiting teaching companion enough, who is my food expert, for helping me through this. I love you Lara. I cried for days. Denial is real. Being 29 and hearing you have diabetes (I know it's only temporary) plus they thought I might have gall bladder problems!? My instructions was "go to little or no fat diet" and then my OB says "no sugar." That's a lot for someone my age to take in when you consider yourself pretty healthy, not obese, and no family history of either health issue. Being in that rare 3% is very depressing. Having someone tell you you are "unhealthy" in my translation kills me. I just don't get it. But I'm coping. Can't you tell?

Despite the major mood swings this time around, another round of progesterone, being lactose intolerant (or possibly gall bladder, whatever), GD, and a varicose vein, I've even had to wear the mommy-belt, pregnancy hasn't been all that bad. Really.

Being huge isn't so bad. It's obvious I am pregnant just not so obvious with how many. People at this point think you're "cute." I think round people are cute too.

I still wear heels to church no matter what my doctor says. It's a must. I refuse to wear flats. Thankfully, my feet and ankles don't swell. Knock on wood.

Feeling the baby move is fascinating. It makes it real.

I know this doesn't last forever and I've never even made it 9 months.

I love hearing my boys talk about the baby, what they want to name it and what it will be like. They still have no concept of how the baby comes out but I'm in no hurry to rush to details on that matter. Hyrum can't wait for the baby. . . he thinks. He says he will "talk to it and pet it." I'm already at peace with my future helper.

It's always an excellent conversation starter and I'm never one to miss a little chat.

I love being a mom. Being pregnant humbles me and reminds of this little miracle I'm playing a role in. It is amazing.

I'm weird about babies and don't hold other people's newborns. I can't explain. It's weird. But I sure love holding my own. Even more I love watching Jarom hold our newborns. I makes me fall in love with him every time.

Now I'm down to the wire and just waiting for this little fella to join our family. Then I'm heading to Krispy Kreme.

Jackie Evancho on America's Got Talent YouTube Show 08/10/10 HQ FULL VER...

Seriously, this was amazing. I would have drawn tears despite being hormonal. I'm sure I've mentioned before that this is one of my favorite songs. Yep, it's on my mp3. I could do plies and developes forever just listening to this song. Of course, plies and developes are about the only things I can do with my big belly getting in the way. Back to my point. . .I didn't tear up because I love this song so much but because this young girl has incredible talent. BRAVO, I say! BRAVO!!

NEW MOON

This time I wasn't waiting for the movie to come out on DVD. I did the hour wait in line. I loved every minute of it!!! Other than the pig quealing sounds in "Bella's bad dreams" I thought it was great. Though the one thing that stuck out to me the most was the brilliance of how they zoomed through her "depressing" months and the song in the background. I couldn't get it out of my head. Sad song but very good in a strange way. I love it! So here's some juicy clips to Possibility by Lykke Li.

OneRepublic - All The Right Moves - Official Music Video (HQ)

I want to be in this video!

Thank You Mr. Bean

Thanks to Mr. Bean's Holiday movie (I think he's so funny) I was introduced to this beautiful piece. Though the movie is a comedy I actually cried when I watched the scene with the song. It was magnifique! The actual words are in Italian but the translation is a beautiful love song. (I'll post later.)
I have a little soft spot for a good opera song and I even have some of my favortie singers. You gotta have room in your genre for Sarah Brightman but I love Katherine Jenkins too. Here I've posted Sissel Kyrkjebo (Norwegian). Love her. Just watch and you'll see not only is her voice smooth and just right but she's beautiful all around. I enjoy watching her sing.

Seducing Mr. Perfect Part 1

Seducing Mr. Perfect Part 1

Came across this while searching for something else on youtube.com. I couldn't resist watching and now I'm gonna have to go rent this movie. A perfect chic-flic! This reminds me of my old friend Ji- Young. Enjoy the little clip.

...Scratch the renting I just watched the whole thing in 10 minute clips on youtube. Not that I really had the time to spare but it was just too cute. I always enjoy a good foreign film.

Reading

What the heck, forget goals! I have accomplished something that I would have never put on my "list." I'm not much of a reader but somehow managed to read more books this year than I think I've ever read. I should be completely embarrassed by this I'm sure, but hey, I'm just statin' the facts!

My year started out with the Twilight Saga. Holy crap that will mess with your life! It was so good I had to read it twice. Finally, I had to return the books to their owners before the books consumed me. Crazy it sounds but so true. I had no idea what I was getting myself into and for now I'm just trying to stay away. Thanks to Linds though, she got me the movie so I can still enjoy it all I want.

To get my fix with Stephenie Meyers, I went on to read The Host. It was no Twilight but definitely good. Very good. I have to say that Ian won my heart...even over Edward. I see you rollin' your eyes thinkin' I've gone mad.

Enough is enough and I had to COMPLETELY move on. Since those are Stephenie's only books that wasn't too hard. My friend recommended the Gemma Doyle Series. First book interesting, different, but enough to keep you reading. Second book, AWESOME. Third book, I wanted to strangle the author for putting me through such torture. I had to read because I HAD to know what was going to happen. Spoiler, I'm still wondering and waiting for book four, but it ain't happening. There will only be three. AAARRGH!

Off to Harry Potter world to review before the big movie.

Ah, then I was handed The Hunger Games. Somehow one of the BEST books I have ever read. Seriously! It is clean, no swearing. That's nice for a change. The book is futuristic, with some gore, and a sprinkle of romance. Must read. It doesn't end there. Then there is Catching Fire. Even better than the first book. I couldn't put it down. What I thought was coming to an end ends up being a trilogy. That's great except the second book JUST came out the beginning of September. What am I suppose to do now?

I guess I will try the next recommendation and prepare to read yet another trilogy The Mark of the Lion. I've heard nothing but excellent reviews. Some even say it's better than Twilight. Is that possible?

So here's to good reading. It's done me some good. I'm up for any other recommendations. Maybe eventually it will help improve my grammar. ;)

All this pics of books have been taken from Amazon.com...figured I had to give some credit to avoid any copyright laws.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon Trailer in HD Video by Trailer Park - MySpace Video

The Twilight Saga: New Moon Trailer in HD Video by Trailer Park - MySpace Video

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Dance tune

I couldn't resist but this song is so fun. Waving my hands like yeah!

Beyoncé - Halo

Confessions of a Twilight reader

I've never been into a book in a long time. I literally could not put the book down and couldn't even give you a reason. I read the entire saga in one week. That I have NEVER done. I loved how it ended yet so sad that it did. Edward is beyond dreamy and I still wonder how to pronounce Renesmee's name so that it actually sounds pretty and I still have pain for poor Jacob. I can't really say what it was that just grabbed me but since I've been reading I definitely haven't been the same. I still go through and read random parts of the book that I loved. I always find something new that I didn't notice before. I'm all ready for round two. I guess I should have just read that darn books when everyone else was and I wouldn't feel so psycho.
Embarrassingly, I have to say somehow I have become quite obsessive. I love going to stepheniemeyer.com and listening to her playlist to each book. It helps complete the story.
Seriously, I need to get a grip and GET A LIFE!!!
PS. Don't read this book when it's "that" time of the month.