Write It Down

I look back and think of all the crazy stuff I would write in my journal.  I don't know that half even really counts.  My journal was great for venting.  Writing all the things that I was angry about or some type of drama.  There were very few things that were happy moments that I seemed to record.  Like my 16th birthday.  It was one of the best birthdays I had ever had and didn't document a single thing about it.  It was a brilliant scavenger hunt downtown Chattanooga, put together by my mom and Aunt Hilda.  I even think about the first years of marriage.  I wrote in my journal so little but what I did document was about Jarom and how he made mad or something of the sort.  Sheesh, if I died today and people used my journal just to learn about who I was, what kind of story would it tell?  Definitely not who I am....or should I say who I wanted to be.  Because most of the time I sounded like a whiny, ungrateful, little brat that no one would want to be around.  Maybe that's what I really am?  Let's hope not!  And according to all personality test I take I'm nothing like that.  Thank goodness I saved all those test to redeem my past because they MUST be true!
Today I turn 30.  Early in the morning I had a crazy, scary dream.  Rarely do I have one so terrifying that I wake up feeling completely freaked out.  But I woke up feeling so secure knowing that Jarom was there to take me in his arms.  On my way to church I thought about how I would love to just quickly go up on the stand and whisper in his ear that I love him.  It made me warm and fuzzy inside.  Then I came back to reality. 
It amazes me to think that I have almost been married for 13 years.  Thirteen years!  What makes that so amazing is that I didn't think that I could really love him more than I did those first years.  It's sooo much better than those years.  This love is deep and not just "cute" love, batting eyes, hot bodies.  It's love in all it's glory and truth. . . okay, and the hot bodies are still there, somewhere, deep within.  Like I said, "in truth."  But I believe now that I made the best decision EVER.  Jarom is an incredible man and is so good to me.
For my 30th he planned this getaway and just followed whatever I wanted to do.  It was awesome.  But it was the little things that made it so special.   Like listening to me ramble on about tree species and different plants/flowers as he patiently walked thru gardens with me.  Maybe he knew how much I would love the walk around the flowers but what I loved more that he just let me talk.  His kindness it just letting me browse the stores and gift shops with all theirs different items and my great indecisiveness to pick something. . . anything.  He took me out to some ridiculously, expensive fancy restaurant because he knows my "love languages" after all.  He helped me collect more Christmas ornaments and care for our little munchkin (whose nursing and had to tag along).  Caring for Marshall in itself was one of the best gifts he could have given me. 

To some this might sound pitiful or not so special or extraordinary.  But I know Jarom and I know the things that are easy for him and hard for him.  Just as he knows mine.  Like spending lots of money for random things, being bored to death while I shop, and listening to a baby scream for hours without end.  But he did it for me. 
It's funny.  I was kind of disappointed at first because I REALLY wanted some big party.  I wanted to be surrounded by all my friends and fam as I journeyed into another decade of life.  I was hesitant about going on the getaway not sure of how the baby would do.  But I went.  And it was the BEST trip I have ever been on.  Maybe turning 30 helped me mature a little and see all the little things that went into making this big idea of a trip.  Had I not gone on the trip, well, I'd be that whiny, bratty girl that didn't get her party.  I would have missed out on the things that could have only been exposed during that trip.  I'm so glad Jarom took me.  I saw him in another light, once again.  I fell in love all over again.