What People Think

BE YOU

Does it really matter what people think?

This is a VERY difficult question for me because I feel like there is a right answer but there isn't.  I'm also a person who is very conscious about what other's think, so it's very hard for me to fathom people that don't.

I mean, really, should we not care what ANYONE thinks?

This has recently heavily weighed on my mind due to a Facebook post by one of my friends on modesty.  I can't avoid a good debate and stating my views.  It may be my greatest weakness.  Long story short, we disagreed on the matter.  And what her results came down to was, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, only God, period. 

I have not been able to let that go.

I immediately thought of the former Relief Society General president, Julie B. Beck, when she was talking about women in the church, speaking on the context of we do things for the Lord not other people.  I TRY so hard to keep this in my mind.

Then I also thought, "Bullies don't care what anyone thinks." 

Could someone really not care about other feelings towards them?  How could you not care what your spouse thinks?  Or if you are dating what guys think about you?  Or your roommates?  Why do missionaries have to dress and act a certain way if it doesn't matter what other people think? 

Or maybe we don't care what others think when it's not what we think?  BINGO.

BUT....

I still think about what others think.  I care greatly about what my husband thinks.  I literally have fake conversations in my mind on if I do this then he will probably react/say this.  I always cared what my parents thought about me.  To disappoint my dad was difficult for me.  I care what my children think about me and how they feel.

What others think about me has been my motivating force.  I didn't want to disappoint my teachers or coaches, so I cared that I made good grades and did well.  I dressed modestly and did certain things because I cared about what I was representing to others.  I knew people watched me, especially because I was "Mormon" and different sometimes to them.  I felt I always needed to be on guard.  My church leaders had expectations of me and I was aware and desired to keep those standards.  To let them down would have been very hard for me.  In the end, all those things kept me strong in my testimony and desire to represent the Gospel of Jesus Christ well.  More than once, it kept me from making mistakes that would not be pleasing to the Lord.  I was definitely not perfect.

Maybe I did all those things for the wrong reason, but I also believe the Lord put those people in my path to guide me in the right habits.  What the Lord wanted was what they were trying to teach me.

Sometimes caring what others think can cause more anxiety than what I should experience (like my house not being clean enough for my MIL).  Yet, other times I think it is very important that we are aware of what others think.  As a parent, I have learned there is a fine line. 

In the South we often say, "I don't care" in terms of "I don't mind."  But translated to others it sounds hurtful, careless, or like we are angry.  I have found I say it ALL the time to my kids or I will even tell them, "It doesn't matter what your brother thinks!" "Who cares?"  Then my four year got where he said he didn't care to everything.  I had to quickly change my lingo!  Trying to teach them that sometimes caring is a matter of respect for one another and even a way of love.  Other times it really doesn't matter what others might think, and for my friend this was probably one of those issues.

Does it only matter what the Lord thinks, probably so, and I want to please the Lord.  To my friend, in a large sense I find her thoughts true.   However, as I have pondered, prayed and tried to read different things, I realized that is why we have Prophets and Apostles and leaders in the church to remind us of what is pleasing to the Lord. 
In the modesty conversation, it was about girls immodesty can "trigger" men with impure thoughts.  This is truth.  It's an simple but ugly truth.  I hate to believe it but I know it.  I can see why this is hard to grasp and understand for others.  But that Bishop (who taught the lesson that day) is an instrument in the Lord's hands to teach sometimes hard to accept truths.  Yes, a girl should dress modestly because the Lord ask that of us and it prepares us to make further covenants with him in the temple.  The general authorities of the church have been mouthpieces for the Lord explaining some of the "why's" we should do that.  That would be one of them.  I am grateful that we have some of those "why's" answered, because there are so many others not!  I feel at peace with this, finally.

I guess being me is what other's think.