Pure Nothingness

I'm sitting here home alone.  Lonely.  OK, well not totally alone but my hubby is out of town so it's just me and the kids.  I dont' sleep when Jarom is gone.  I watch an amazing amount of TV (chick flicks), eat junk, and try to chat with whoever is desperate enough to chat with me on Facebook so I don't get freaked out.  I can't handle it.  I seem to hear every noise.  It's like I'm a little girl.  I feel like a little girl.  I do not get random things done that I wouldn't normally do because Jarom is home but even then it doesn't make too much of a difference.  I hate when he's gone.
In the meantime, while I try to type myself to sleep.  Can you do that?  I was reading this book that one of the teachers at the boys school recommended.  Sarah's Key.  I love a good historical fiction book.  This one had my emotions pulled in so many directions I wasn't sure how to feel.  It was during the Holocaust and one of the roundups in Paris, France.  I followed a child's story.  It wasn't the most uplifting book.  Kind of depressing no matter how much you wished and hoped. . . I didn't finish it.  Yes, it was depressing but somehow still captivating that I wanted to read it but I couldn't.
 It dropped the "F" word. 
Yep, I couldn't believe it. 
Not once. 
Twice. 
Now some have this ability to read right over it.  Not me.  The first time I read it I just has to stop all together.  That word was like stamped in my head.  But the next morning I wanted to find out what was going to happen.  I was half way thru!!!  So I pulled it out while eating breakfast.  I opened it up on top of my scriptures.  It wasn't long that the word popped up again.  Honestly, my conscience just couldn't bare looking at my scriptures I just read earlier that morning and proceed with this book. 
I finally stopped. 
That took a lot of effort . 
More than it should. 
I returned the book to the teacher today and told her how I felt.  We laughed and still discussed the story (she filled me in).  I'm glad I didn't read it.   There are so many great books out there that I shouldn't have to accept the language.  It doesn't make that book any better than a movie with bad language.  However, I will go rent the movie (since I have an editor).
You know it really bothered me how many people recommended "The Help" to me.  I heard how it was filled with "GD" throughout the whole book but yet tons of members of my faith read and recommended it still.  I'm glad I didn't read it.  I know how my mind works.  I'm sure I wouldn't start blurting out swear words but they would be in my mind.  I don't want that.  I already have enough weakness and do enough editing in my mind, so why add to it?