With all my pregnancies I have managed to have something crazy happen that makes for a good story. Bret's birth story however ranks at the top.
Once again, I have a new light, a greater perspective on life, revelation, eternity and really miracles.
I have always considered my self as one with strong faith. I believe I have witnessed miracles because I have the faith that they happen. The Lord has helped witness the true miracle of birth, the miracle of life.
It was hours after the story of Bret's situation was revealed to me. It has been weeks and I still haven't fully processed the magnitude of what "could have happened." Instead, I get to hold him in my arms, snuggle him, cherish him and fully love him.
After my first night in the hospital, early in the morning, I was preparing to feed Bret. It was a peaceful feeling within me but a very special feeling as well that I can't describe. It was a private moment for me to process that I could be waking up and preparing funeral arrangements. The thought still seems so surreal. I never felt that fear for the possible loss of my child. I never worried for his life, maybe cause it all happened so fast. I don't really know. It just has never fully sunk in to my brain that my child was on the brink of death. In some ways I feel guilty, almost shallow for not having these feelings of sadness, but I am also grateful that I haven't had to suffer through such sorrow.
What I can say has happened, my gratitude to the Lord has grown ten fold. My testimony of knowing HE is real seems to have intensified, as if He is even more real. If that is possible.
With the time being home bound, I have reflected on things/conversations that happened before Bret's arrival. Small things to many but things I believe to be no consequence but the Lord preparing me for Bret's arrival.
First of all, Bret didn't have a name until after he was born. Jarom and I tossed names back and forth but nothing seemed satisfying. We finally got it narrowed down to Brett or Graham. Jarom was for Brett and I was for Graham. I was pretty sure we were going to go with Graham. Than Jarom was talking with a black lady at work who said "Graham? Like Graham Cracker?" She thought that was hilarious. We did too! Considering it is pretty funny but also takes on a whole other meaning coming from a black person, Graham got thrown out the window the day of delivery.
Obviously, we went with Brett. . .no Bret, one "T." We thought this would be nice to have so many "T's" but people have managed to spell his first name with two "T's" and Smartt with one. Go figure.
Lorenzo, Jarom shut down the first time I mentioned it. But this time I wasn't letting down. I loved it! As I was reading about Lorenzo Snow and some of his teachings during his time as prophet it just stayed with me. it was kind of like his name stood out like a neon sign.
Finally, after Bret's birth we really had nothing solid other than the last names we had discussed, Bret and Lorenzo. I am so glad we went with Lorenzo because the teachings Lorenzo Snow was known for was eternal families and life after death. His messages I felt somehow resembled our whole situation. I prayed to have a good name for this child and I believe that prayer was answered.
The other interesting thing I often think about was a conversation I had had with my mother just a few days before Bret was born. I could feel him but contractions had pretty gone to zilch within the past two weeks. My mom was worried and just told me to pay attention. I had asked her as well if the baby could actually come back up into your womb from the birth canal, because the pressure in my pelvic area had changed and it felt like he had moved up into my rib cage. We both kind of laughed and thought that was crazy and unlikely, but I still wondered. Oddly enough, that was just what happened when Dr. Radpour broke my water. It doesn't happen and shouldn't but it did. I find it quite amazing how these things happen.
Children are a gift. The Lord answers prayers and prepares us more than we think for the things that are to come. I have witnessed myself.
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